


Kaleidoscope

by Laurasauras



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - Gods & Goddesses, Alternate Universe - No Sburb Session, Ashen Romance | Auspistice, Caliginous Romance | Kismesis, F/F, F/M, Flushed Romance | Matesprits, M/M, Multi, Pale Romance | Moirallegiance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-27
Updated: 2019-04-08
Packaged: 2019-12-25 07:09:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,636
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18256292
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Laurasauras/pseuds/Laurasauras
Summary: Everyone prays to the patron gods of the quadrants now and then. Sometimes, they answer.





	1. Moirallegiance

It was an awful fight. 

They had almost daily spats over something or another, but that was moirallegiance. She might push her independence when he wants what is best for her and he might resist her impulse to pacify his rage, but it always works out for the best. 

But this time … Nepeta had gone too far. 

She ends up at a diamond temple at sunrise, when all the sensible trolls have long gone back to their own hives. She can’t stand the idea of leaving it where they’d left it, but she it’s too late to get anywhere close to his hive and she’s not sure her pride can bear it anyway. It wasn’t an official break-up, they hadn’t said those kinds of words, but what they’d said might have been worse. 

The stained glass windows of the temple remove the threat of injuries and mute the brightness of the slow-rising Alternian sun, but it’s still a much lighter environment than Nepeta is used to. It probably shouldn’t feel safe, but it’s full of the kind of imagery she associates with her relationship with Equius, so how could it not?

There’s a fairly conventional shrine at one end, candles and sopor and water and mirrors all arranged aesthetically, but Nepeta is exhausted to the point of swaying on her feet, so she heads for the pile of purple cushions placed almost accidentally in the corner of the temple. She’s not quite sure if it’s okay, but she’s _tired_. 

She’s almost dozing, the salt from olive tears stinging the eye that’s closest to the ground, when she feels a hand stroking through her hair and she jumps violently, alert immediately.

‘What …?’ she asks, blinking to clear her eyes.

‘Shh,’ the diamond goddess says. ‘Oh, something _big_ has happened here.’

Nepeta wipes her face and sits up. The diamond goddess smiles like she’s glad to see Nepeta freaking out over the fact that a divine being is sitting so close to her. And what a weird goddess she is! Nepeta had assumed until now that the iconography was coloured that way for aesthetic reasons.

She’s pale, almost white, with pink undertones rather than grey and her horns must be hidden in her yellow hair. She has violet eyes (of course she’s royalty, she’s a goddess) and her smile is the kind Nepeta associates with ceruleans and up who have condescended to talk to a lowblood. 

‘I didn’t mean to bother you,’ Nepeta says, averting her eyes so she won’t gawk any more than she already has. ‘I just—I was … I don’t know why I’m here.’

‘You’re here because you need guidance,’ the goddess says. ‘I’m very good at providing guidance. And scandalously pleasing horn rubs. I enjoy the phallic symbolism behind the gesture even if I know you can’t appreciate it.’

Nepeta frowns slightly and makes a very slight shift backwards. She might be in a fight with Equius right now, but her horns are still not up for grabbing by anyone else! Not even from pretty goddesses who look like they’re a whim away from real trouble! She already has a highblood to pacify!

‘Sorry, um … Miss Goddess … I don’t want to be rude … but I don’t know if you can help me.’

‘Call me Rose,’ she says, with a flash of strangely uniform white teeth. ‘I have an inkling that we’re about to be very good friends and it doesn’t seem right for us not to be on first name basis. Tell me about your fight with Equius and spare me the usual, “Oh, but how do you _know_ that”’s. Just assume I’m very impressive. But don’t fail to be impressed by me.’

Nepeta feels her eyes widen with surprise, even after she’s been told to be both unsurprised and surprised by Rose’s knowledge. She doesn’t know how on Alternia she’s supposed to walk that line; she’s just going to have to trust this insane mythical creature to … take pity on her. Nepeta can feel her cheeks growing warmer with the idea that she is being vulnerable in this circumstance, but she can’t help that either. She can only hope her emotion sacs stay unfondled, because she’s _not_ going to cry. 

‘But if you know who Equius is and who I am, then why would I need to tell you about …’

Rose smiles again, and it’s a much kinder smile than she’s been using so far. 

‘Sometimes a thing needs to be told.’

Nepeta can’t say why, but hearing that makes her chest hurt. She digs her claws into her palms and stares at a tassel decorating one of the pillows she’s sitting on.

‘He likes someone,’ she grits out.

‘Give me a quadrant, dear, we can’t have all ascended to the ways of the gods.’

‘Flush,’ Nepeta says. ‘He doesn’t feel like this furry often! And he’s being so stupid, like he’s a scaredy-cat! I have to push him or he won’t …’

‘Ah, put my domain is more pull than push,’ Rose interrupts. ‘My brother deals in push. We don’t sully ourselves with that nonsense, do we?’

Nepeta bares her teeth at Rose without even thinking about it, she’s so _frustrated_ and she doesn’t want anyone to tell her how to talk to her Equius! 

But she has a point.

‘If he doesn’t act …’ Nepeta says.

‘Oh yes, that would be disastrous,’ Rose says sarcastically, flinging herself down onto the pile of pillows and draping her arm across her face. ‘Imagine if a potential romance was not to be! We had better sacrifice the most stable moirallegiance I have ever had the pleasure to taste at the altar of probability! That will obviously result in a successful matespritship!’

Nepeta hisses at Rose. Rose sits back up onto all fours and hisses back, her eyes gleeful and her yellow hair all in her face. Nepeta is the first to back down, averting her eyes again.

‘I don’t know if I like you very much,’ Nepeta says. 

‘Oh, sweetness. That’s my domain too!’ Rose crawls closer until she’s close enough to lean against Nepeta bodily. 

Nepeta feels stiff and still for a moment, she’s not really used to physical contact with anyone but Pounce and Equius, but she relents and pushes Rose’s hair back behind her strangely round ears. This kind of exasperation is so pale she almost can’t stand it, but this isn’t some random troll off the street. It’s the goddess of diamonds. 

‘What are you going to do?’ Rose asks, looking up at Nepeta.

‘He said such pawful things!’ Nepeta says.

‘That is also my domain,’ Rose says quietly. ‘We never say things like that to people—I’m sorry, trolls—we don’t care about. To open oneself up to being loved is to open oneself up to being _known_ , and that’s a very scary thing. ’

Nepeta chews on her thumb claw nervously. She doesn’t _want_ to apologise and she very much doesn’t want to see Equius forgive her like he never expected her to be better. She doesn’t want him to _not_ forgive her even more. She doesn’t know what she would do without him. 

‘I don’t want to say sorry,’ she admits.

‘I wouldn’t either.’ Rose twists around so that she’s no longer leaning on Nepeta and is instead facing her head on. She puts her warm hands on Nepeta’s cheeks and brushes a thumb dangerously close to her left emotion sac. ‘ _Communication_ ,’ she says. ‘ _Why_ did you push him?’

‘I love him,’ Nepeta says. She doesn’t want to cry, she can’t cry, she’s stronger than this and she’s with Equius anyway. 

‘And why did _he_ push back?’

‘I don’t know!’

Rose slaps Nepeta on the cheek, not very hard, just enough to rebuke. It’s as bright and pale as everything else she’s done and Nepeta can feel her chest threatening to purr.

‘You _do_ ,’ Rose says. ‘You know him better than anyone.’

‘Because he’s scared she doesn’t see him!’

Rose grins, and strokes Nepeta’s cheek where she slapped her. Nepeta’s lip wobbles just a little bit, but she bites it and it settles.

‘Tell Equius to go to my brother. He might not answer, we’re not exactly a guaranteed resource. But he’ll be asking for help. He’ll be admitting he wants it. Do you understand?’

‘Sometimes a thing needs to be told,’ Nepeta whispers.

Rose presses her lips gently to Nepeta’s, then to her nose, and finally to her brow. She waits there for a long moment, as if she’s breathing her in. 

‘Imagine I am a hungry, hungry hippo, and I need true moirallegiance marbles to survive. You and Equius have very nice marbles, Nepeta, do not deprive me of them.’

Nepeta’s mouth falls open as she utterly fails to comprehend any of that. Rose kisses her on the mouth once more and then leans back, looking utterly self satisfied. 

‘Oh, I’m good,’ Rose says. ‘Give that sweaty bastard a kiss from me, he keeps me in very good supply.’

Before Nepeta can protest that Rose isn’t making any sense, the room fills with a warm, yellow light and forces Nepeta to scrunch up her eyes. She’d be afraid that the windows had stopped protecting the temple if it wasn’t vastly different to the small doses of sunlight she’d accidentally been exposed to in the past. 

When she opens her eyes again, Rose is gone. She fingers the stitching of the blue hat that Equius gave her, blue so anyone who sees her knows that he has her back, and considers. She’s not about to reject such clear advice from a goddess. 

She’s too tired to fix everything right now, but she can’t just go to sleep without doing something. She takes her tablet out of her sylladex and opens up Trollian. 

arsenicCatnip  [AC] has begun pestering centaursTesticle [CT]

AC: <>

It’s a few minutes before she hears anything back, long enough that she’s made the pile of cushions into a more comfortable shape and settled down properly, but eventually … 

CT: <>


	2. Kismesissitude

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eridan seeks out advice from the god of spades.

It’s almost nice in the spades temple now that the masses seem to have accepted that Eridan is in here for the long haul and have given up on trying to change that from being a thing. When Eridan bunkers down in a temple intended for all, it becomes a place just for him. And the place is growing on him more and more now that the protesters have stopped shouting and fussing.

It’s dark, like one should expect from a pitch place, with an emphasis on blue tones. It’s cool, even to a seadweller, and full of alcoves where a hated one could secret themselves away. There’s a large clear area where Eridan has seen ceremonial dances performed and there are platforms where ceremonial _other events_ take place as well, but Eridan isn’t too keen on exploring. 

He’s keeping his lovely rear right in front of the shrine and praying really cod damn loud at the god of spades, making it abundantly clear that the only thing that’s gonna stop him is divine intervention. Or death, presumably, but Eridan hasn’t ever heard of a seadweller dying of natural causes and he’s got a sylladex full of food and water. 

This god is being pretty stubborn about showin’ up, but Eridan hasn’t ended up entirely alone by learning to compromise and respect boundaries, so he likes his chances.

It’s not even three days into Eridan’s vigil when the god of spades turns up and introduces himself by punching Eridan in the face. Eridan lets himself go flying rather than wearing whatever extra damage he might do to himself trying to resist a god’s strength and then picks himself up, grinning.

‘ _Finally!_ You know how ta keep a guy on the hook, I’ll give you that, your divinity.’ Eridan bows low, to show he has proper breeding and can defer to power when it comes from a god. He looks back up at the sound of the god groaning into his hands.

‘Oh my God!’ he says. ‘Here I am, enjoying my fucking afterlife, making really decent headway on the Dave-butter-sculpture project, and this fucking guy! Keeps yammering at me!’

Eridan straightens up, not to seem like he’s not expressing an appropriate level of deference to the god in the room, but more so he can at least see it coming if the guys decides to swing another punch his way. 

‘Well??’ he says. ‘Are you at least going to tell me what your problem is?’

‘There’s this girl,’ Eridan says. 

‘What’s your name? What’s her name? Give me some context here, dude, I’m not about knowing your soulmate through and through, I’m not _Rose_.’

‘I’m Eridan, your divinity, and the girl’s name is Aradia, she’s a rustblood.’

‘John,’ the god says. ‘Call me John, titles suck and we’re about to get real in this business. Jesus, that sounded too much like Dave. Well, I’m rolling with it now! Sit your ass down, bitch!’

Eridan doesn’t take especially kindly to being talked at like that by anyone, not even Feferi if she had a mind to do it, but he’s also not an idiot and he knows that he shouldn’t be taking offense because for one, John’s a god, and for another, he smiles when he insults as if he’s just trying it out. It almost makes him even more aggravating, except that he has the most contagious smile Eridan’s ever seen. 

Actually, that might make it worse too. He sits, regardless. John sits nice and close to him in a way few people do, like he’s not remotely afraid.

‘So this girl,’ Eridan starts, but John waves his hands, interrupting him. Eridan can feel his fins starting to stand up more in aggravation, but he manages to suppress a growl.

‘I need an offering,’ John says.

Look, it’s not as if Eridan makes a habit of believing every little thing the crazy cat girl who lives in a cave says, but he did take special note of what she said about the goddess of diamonds and he knows that she didn’t demand any offerings. He’d been ready to dismiss the whole thing as the dream of a romance obsessed weirdling until he decided that it was worth a shot to make this thing with him and Aradia work out. And when he decided that, he made sure to get all the info he could. 

‘What kind a offerin’?’ Eridan asks, his eyes narrowed with suspicion. 

‘Whatever it is that came to your mind when I said I needed one,’ John says peaceably. 

Eridan can feel his teeth pressing at his gums, ready to extend and join his fins on the threat display he absolutely wants to make. John has to know that the first thing he thought of was the thing he was hoping not to have to get rid of. Maybe he could give him something else, he has plenty of valuables … but he’s with a god now. 

He pulls off his scarf and hands it over. He doesn’t know if Feferi will make him another one, and even if she does it won’t be _this_ one, won’t be this particular kind of his-colour-but-faded that only can be achieved from wearing it everywhere and salt water degrading it bit by bit. Everything else he wears is immaculate, maybe it wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world to upgrade it. His throat lets out a tiny warble when John picks it up, just in case he didn’t know he was lying to himself. 

‘I don’t want this,’ John says, handing it back. ‘Have you got anything fun?’

Eridan wants more than anything to tackle this stupid, strange looking god-creature and bite him until he bleeds blue all over the place. He wants to punch him in the throat and scratch up his clothes and _kiss him_ because he’s letting him keep his most precious possession and he didn’t have to do that. 

‘I hate you,’ Eridan says, throwing an explosive device at John. 

John catches it and runs his fingers over it. Eridan almost leaves him to it, perfectly happy for John to take them both down in stupidity if that’s really how his life ends, but he remembers in time that he doesn’t actually want that. He slaps at John’s hands and shows him how to activate and deactivate the bomb.

‘Cool!’ John says. ‘Oh man, I’m gonna blow something really dumb up!’

Eridan remembers how Nepeta said that she had never been tempted by another troll, but the goddess of diamonds was above and beyond what she could have prepared herself for. He reminds himself that he’s not here to fuck a god, he’s here to get advice. 

John seems occupied with a device that could level half the city, so Eridan decides that it’s a good time to talk without being interrupted.

‘So this girl has been makin’ pitch overtures,’ he says.

‘Say “overtures” again,’ John says. 

‘Fuck you!’ Eridan says. ‘There’s nothin’ wrong with my accent, it’s distinguished.’

John laughs, but he doesn’t press it, so Eridan continues.

‘She’s been mussin’ me up. She’s filthy, an’ I don’t mean that in the fun way or the, ah, derogatory way. She plays in dirt. Or works in dirt, who knows. An’ she keeps puttin’ it on my person when I’m around, and grinning at me with all her teeth, an’ I can’t fuck this up!’

John looks up from the bomb and frowns at Eridan.

‘What’s gonna mess it up? Sounds solid to me!’

‘ _I_ am,’ Eridan whines.

John considers that, looking at Eridan carefully as if taking stock of him. Eridan isn't sure how he's coming off, but he isn't about to leave it entirely up to chance. He straightens his neck and tries to look like he isn't intimidated. 

‘I dunno, there seems plenty about you to hate!’ John says cheerfully. ‘And you're one of the fishy ones, right? So you're probably pretty strong.’

‘It's not the acquirin’ a hateful feelin's, it's the hangin’ on ta them,’ Eridan says. 

John hums thoughtfully. 

‘Well okay then! Where do you go wrong?’

‘If I knew that, I wouldn't be here!’

John laughs and Eridan would punch him if he didn't have more self respect. Oh wait, he _doesn't_ have that!

He punches the god of spades right in his strange blunt teeth. John's blue eyes narrow behind his glasses before he tackles Eridan to the ground, straddles his hips and starts hitting him almost methodically. 

‘Why! Are! You! So! Stupid!’ John says, puncturing every word with a punch to Eridan's face. He stops when he sees Eridan submitting, even though he hasn't even hit hard enough to bruise. ‘Do you have a Rose? A diamond pal?’

‘I got a moirail,’ Eridan says. 

‘What do they say your problem is?’

Eridan pouts. He doesn't see what Fef's opinion has to do with anything. John raises his first in warning.

‘I'm too clingy,’ he mutters. 

‘Ugh, I hate that. Not in the good way. Leave that to Dave, you know? My stuffs not as tethered as all that! Do you have a Dave? A heart … pal?’

‘How does a god devoted to quadrants not know the proper names?’ Eridan says incredulously. ‘An’ no, for your information. I don't have a matesprit.’

‘What do I care what you call it? I just eat it,’ John says, grinning with teeth that sure don't look sharp enough to eat shit that isn't metaphysical. ‘Okay, well it's easier to be clingy with Dave because you can just say it, you know?’

Eridan doesn't know. 

‘Look, I get it. People are _interesting_ and you want to figure them out and sometimes figuring them out makes you hate them even more, ‘cause like, there's good stuff there! Everyone has good stuff. Like you! I hate that you bothered me this much! I could be playing video games right now! But that's also your strength because shit! You're trying, right? And maybe it was arrogant to assume I would answer or to kick the other trolls out but you're still asking for help? I dunno, complicated thoughts, man! That's my jam! We're in the quadrant of nuance.’

John seems to realise that he has dropped his idiot act and gotten downright enthusiastic about his domain. He pushes his dark hair back from his face and Eridan squints to see if his horns will reveal themselves. 

‘My point is, if it’s real, she’ll hate you. You gotta trust yourself and trust her, and trust your moirail too while you’re at it. Like, it’s hard, but that’s all you can do!’

‘Is that really it?’ Eridan asks, glum that the advice the god of spades has given him is basically the same he could have got on Goregle.

John grins conspiratorially and pulls Eridan to his feet. 

‘I’m gonna give you an edge, ‘cause I think it might drive you crazy to know that I helped once you get the hang of this and you’re kinda cute for a troll.’ He opens his hands palm up to the sky and a heavy book lands in them from nowhere. ‘This is basically a bible. Oh! I’m a god! It _is_ a bible! I’m handing it to you, you don’t have to share it with anyone, this can just be your own personal guide.’ 

John leans in very close to Eridan, his eyes wide to convey his seriousness.

‘You gotta prank her, bro,’ he says. 

He disappears with a gust of cold wind, blue clothes fading into blue light that moves like ribbons until there’s nothing left. Eridan looks down at the book in his hands. This, he can do.


	3. Auspisticism

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Vriska ends up at a clubs temple, not just because Terezi said she was too proud to ask for help, but proving that point wrong isn't a bad side effect! On second thought, maybe she doesn't want to be here ...

Vriska knows when she’s beat.

It doesn’t happen often! She’s pretty great at most things. Maybe she’s not supposed to go around saying how great she is, ‘cause people can’t handle it, but them’s the breaks! It’s not like it's _all_ luck, either. She works pretty fucking hard! (The luck doesn’t hurt though.)

Buuuut she knows when she’s beat! Be pretty lame of her if she couldn’t admit something so obvious!

So she’s at a temple. Clubs temples are always _huge_ , which makes sense if you think about it. Sometimes people need space! Hey, maybe that’s what she came here to figure out! She’ll just jot that note down and leave before she causes a fuss, like, presumably people are going to be drawn to her awesomeness and it’s not like she wants to cause a stampede on sacred ground!

Vriska turns on her heel and starts to walk out of the temple, which really is unreasonably large, when a woman steps in her way, holding her hand up and smiling. 

‘Beat it, sister,’ Vriska says. ‘I ain’t got time for babes fawning over me today.’

Vriska pushes past, but the woman is in front of her again, moving so smoothly that Vriska can't even track it. 

‘Um, you came into my temple!’ the woman says. ‘And hey, we take things a bit slower here. Would you like a seat?’

Vriska would've sworn about five seconds prior that there was nowhere within easy distance they could sit at, but the woman takes her by the arm and turns her about and suddenly there's a small table and chair set like there might be at a tea party. Vriska has never been to a tea party and doesn’t care to sample one now, but the woman is strong and she decides to _tactically_ sit down and take a biscuit.

It’s a nice biscuit.

‘My name is Jade,’ the woman says as she pours tea. ‘I am the goddess of this temple and I’m here to help!’

Vriska squints at Jade suspiciously. Goddess, huh? Now that she looks at her properly (and before she’d mostly just registered the colour _green_ and stuck to her usual policy of not looking anyone below teal in the eye) she doesn’t look like a troll. 

‘Are your horns … fluffy?’

‘What? No, they’re ears.’

Vriska squints a bit more before deciding that’s enough. 

‘Look, your glasses are pretty cool, but the rest of you is ridiculous and I’m not staying.’

She stands up, but there’s a disorienting flash of green and she must fall back into her chair.

‘No, don’t think so,’ Jade says. ‘By the way, getting your partners to the table can sometimes be the hardest step!’

Vriska isn’t exactly experienced in hiding her emotions, never saw the point in keeping her rage or glee or whatever private, but she feels a bit ashamed that this goddess knows that she’s here for help. That she thought she needed some and she was lame enough to come and ask for it, even if she did change her mind.

‘You came for a reason,’ Jade says. ‘If you tell me honestly why you came and then ask me to go, I’ll let you! Otherwise …’

Vriska knows a threat when she hears one. And hey! It’s pretty flattering to be threatened by a literal goddess! She can handle this _fine_. She props her elbows on the small table and leans into the heels of her hands, fingers splayed against her cheeks like framing spider legs and smiles the most charming smile the goddess has ever had the fortune to see.

‘It’s no big deal, but I recently landed myself a couple of babes in my ashen quadrant! Thought I’d pop by, give thanks like a polite and devout troll, that’s done, I can leave now! _Maaaybe_ I could use a couple pointers, if you’re handing them out, contrary to popular belief I’m not too proud to ask for help! I’ve never been a middle leaf before, which is cool. Bet you’re wondering how fucking hateful these ladies must be to snag a boss bitch like me!’

Jade smiles, her eyes crinkling behind her glasses, and nods to get Vriska to continue.

‘One’s the heiress! How about that for a catch? And the other is my ex-moirail.’

‘Ooh!’ Jade says. ‘Drama?’

‘Nah, Kanaya’s pretty cool. I don’t blame her for wanting to take this darker! Look at me! But I’m not really about that, like you gotta submit a pail when you gotta submit a pail but the rest of the time …’

‘So, why are you getting in the middle?’

Vriska sits back in her chair and shrugs.

‘Feferi and Terezi have been pitch for ages, seems stupid to just throw that away.’

Jade nods seriously. She’s a pretty good listener. Knows how to let someone speak. Vriska can respect that. She … doesn’t know if she can do the same, though. She’d kinda hoped that she could just steamroll over Feferi and Kanaya and everything would work itself out. 

‘I’m pretty sure they agree!’ Vriska says. ‘But it’s almost like that doesn’t matter?’

‘Geez, this must be extra hard for you if you’re ace,’ Jade says sympathetically. ‘That must seem really foreign.’

‘Yeah, it is hard being this competent,’ Vriska says. ‘It’s so nice that you _get_ me!’

‘Oh, I didn’t mean ace as in …’

‘You’re all right, Jade,’ Vriska says.

Jade shakes her head, smiling like a complete dork. It somehow doesn’t damage Vriska’s good opinion of her. Might be because she approves of the huge quantity of hair she’s rocking. It’s a good look!

‘So the easy way out is to manipulate them into being nowhere near each other,’ Jade says, ‘but I haven’t found that to be very effective. If things are unresolved, they can get all piney and end up ruining their existing kismesissitudes anyway because they still want the one you’re dampening. You don’t seem like you’re the kind that shies away from a little extra challenge though.’

Vriska smiles. Jade truly understands what kind of awesome force she’s dealing with here.

‘Okay, goddess,’ Vriska says. ‘Tell me the best way.’

‘You gotta get them used to each other,’ Jade says, leaning forward. ‘Right now, they probably think there’s something really special about the way they’re getting on each others’ nerves, but you can show them that it’s pretty ordinary, right?’

‘What, like by aggravating them myself?’

‘That’s … one strategy, sure!’

Vriska ponders this. If _Terezi_ can inspire pitch feelings in Feferi then she definitely can. Not that she wants to go quite that heavy-handed with it. No, this will require subtelty. Cunning. Maybe she can embarrass them in front of each other!

‘And if you can turn them back on their actual pitch partner, that’s good too, but you have to be careful not to make the other one jealous!’

‘I could have figured that out myself,’ Vriska scoffs. ‘I’m pretty sure I knew all of this anyway. Thanks for imparting your glorious wisdom or whatever, but I’m gonna be _fine_.’

Jade rolls her eyes, but Vriska pretends not to see. She’s busy taking as many of the decorated biscuits as she can for later. They’re really pretty good.

‘Look, you gotta pacify two different people here! It’s not easy!’ Jade says. ‘We should talk more about the girls specifically! Find strategies that will work for your—’

‘I know you want to keep me around!’ Vriska says, patting Jade roughly on the cheek. ‘It’s sweet! Honestly, I’m very flattered. And it’s understandable too, you’re hardly the first troll to want to kidnap me for their own pleasure. It’s one of the downsides that comes with being so amazing! I’m gonna go, you can leave the manipulation to me, and if they end up killing each other, well, I tried! And that’s the important thing, don’t you think?’

Jade looks at Vriska with a familiar mixture of concern and horror. Familiar because most people in Vriska’s acquaintance wear that look on a semi-regular basis. Vriska herself wouldn’t make a face like that, but she’s just better at rolling with the punches than most people. 

‘Hand me that last biscuit,’ Vriska tells Jade, as she reaches the limit of what she can carry. She opens her mouth and Jade reluctantly puts the biscuit between her fangs. 

‘Fankth!’ Vriska says. 

She turns away and swaggers out of the temple. Feferi and Kanaya are _so_ lucky to have her.


	4. Matespritship

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the delay! Camp Nano and uni happened. Hope this was worth the wait, it might have been my favourite one to write. :)

‘Dude, what are you even doing?’ a voice calls out to Sollux as he shuffles down the street.

Any other pissblood walking the streets getting hollered at would keep their head down and walk on by, maybe avoid death and dismemberment when it already looks like it might rain. Sollux should be hurrying home, he can’t afford any kind of raincoat, let alone a proper, acid-proof one.

But Sollux is an idiot.

‘I’m not your dude, guy,’ he says, turning to look the asshole who thinks he can yell at lowbloods just minding their own business, reaching for his glasses like he’s in an East-Alternian animated drama. It’d be a really cool moment, if Sollux’s mouth didn’t drop at the sight of an actual fucking alien leaning on the doorframe of the closest building.

‘Are you an alien?’ Sollux blurts.

‘Huh,’ the guy says. ‘You know, I’ve been doin’ this a while and that’s a first. I guess I wasn’t born on this fuckhole of a planet, my own fuckhole’s way off …’ he gestures vaguely towards the sky, ‘and exploded, for that matter. And it feels real cocky to correct you and say, “actually, most’a y’all call me a god,” so I think I’m gonna go with, hey, my name’s Dave.’

‘Your fuckhole’s where, sorry?’ Sollux says, giggles escaping his mouth and making his lisp return uninvited. 

‘Yeah, yeah, laugh it up,’ Dave says. He’s smiling, though. ‘You comin’ inside or what?’

A crack of thunder rolls through the sky and Sollux looks down at his bare arms. Well, the similarities to the start of a concupiscent film or not, he doesn’t want his skin to melt off. He walks inside, pretending that he’s fine with Dave not even slightly moving out of the way. He has to pass so close he can feel the heat off his skin … and not many trolls feel hot to Sollux.

‘Are we in a hearts temple?’ Sollux asks, looking around.

‘Yup,’ Dave says. ‘Kinda can’t leave. I mean, not this one specifically, I’m keyed into all of them and there’s the gen-quad ones thank fuck ‘cause I’m lowkey codependent on the other guys, so …’

‘How does that work? Magic or tech?’

‘Is there a difference?’

Sollux shrugs and puts his hands in his pockets. He looks back at Dave. For an alien, or a god, whichever, he’s pretty … boring looking. Like someone’s applied a pink and white texture pack to an arrogant lowblood and couldn’t be fucked figuring out what horns suited them so they just left them out. 

‘So, how’d I get the attention of a god?’ Sollux asks. 

‘By fucking up under my domain,’ Dave answers seriously. 

He moves until he’s right in front of Sollux, so fast he blurs, and then puts a guiding hand in the small of his back so he can walk them both towards some chairs. He pulls one out for Sollux, who rolls his eyes and sits, and then sits in the other, unbuttoning his suit jacket so it doesn’t bunch up.

‘What did I do?’ Sollux asks.

‘What do I look like, moirallegiance?’ Dave says. ‘I don’t know what you did man, I just know you were producing some outrageously delicious hearts for me to eat and they got fuckin’ sour on me tonight. Here’s me, snackin’ on the vibes you’re sending out into the world like it’s a big ol’ bowl of cheetos and here’s you somehow swapping it out for I don’t know, little rabbit shits or something. It’d be funny if you’d have done it spades-ways, but you did it to me, so it’s not.’

Sollux continues to stare blankly at Dave’s shades. He’s not owning up to _shit_.

‘You wanna play hardball? Fine, just tell me who you were with tonight.’

‘Just some girl,’ Sollux says. 

‘Fuckin’ hell, was I ever like this?’ Dave says, tipping his head back to ask the roof. ‘Can I get a name, please?’

‘Terezi,’ Sollux answers reluctantly. Reluctant because as has been recently pointed out to him, he can’t say her name without smiling. 

It’s a bullshit reaction that means nothing, TZ is cool to hang with and all, but she’s teal, she’s got no business with a loser like him and even if she did, he’s got more important shit to do with his time than pail someone who believes in the glory of an empire that’s gonna sentence him to a long and painful death. Fucking tealbloods. He should have stopped talking to her the second he saw her font colour.

‘Well that was adorable,’ Dave says. ‘Smiling suits you, bro.’

‘Shut up,’ Sollux says, intelligently. 

Dave smiles at that, a slow, easy smile that makes Sollux look away. He doesn’t need any of that.

‘So what’s the probs? She too good for you? ‘Cause like …’ Dave gestures at Sollux’s general trollhood. 

‘Wow, rude?’ Sollux says.

‘When you’re as pretty as I am, you can kinda say whatever you want to people,’ Dave says with a kind of self-deprecating smile. ‘Not that you’d know anything about that.’

Sollux laughs despite himself and zaps Dave’s fingertips. Dave flinches a bit and stares at his hand. 

‘Was that you? Sick!’

Sollux zaps Dave again, this time on the nose. Dave sneezes three times in a row, nearly falling out of his chair with the absolute theatrics with which he sneezes.

‘Oh man,’ Dave says once he recovers. ‘You’re totally gonna get it now.’

Sollux realises belatedly that maybe he shouldn’t have mildly electrocuted a literal deity. 

But instead of smiting him with whatever powers a heart god might have (sounds pretty lame even in Sollux’s head) Dave just pushes the table back and full-body tackles Sollux out of his chair. They land pretty softly, Sollux doesn’t even bump his head and that’s got nothing to do with his psionics because he remembers he can fly only after he’s ended up on his ass, and then he can’t reach them to fling Dave off because Dave’s fingers are tickling him just below his grubscars and he has no control over anything.

Sollux hates his laugh, it’s high pitched and he snorts and he has _never_ told anyone he’s ticklish exactly because of how fucking effective this is, but it’s hard to feel self conscious when the issue of breathing through his giggles is more pressing. 

Dave stops of his own accord and Sollux realises that he was laughing too, just quieter. Dave falls onto his back on the floor next to Sollux and they catch their breath together. Sollux can feel Dave’s hand almost touching the backs of his fingers and he’s tempted to hold it.

This is a weird fucking night.

Might as well talk about his feelings.

‘I pity her,’ he admits.

‘Mmhmm,’ Dave says. 

‘She’s this tiny tealblood who licks people and laughs like the devil and she can’t handle spicy food and even I can beat her in an arm wrestle and she thinks she’s actually going to change the way Alternia is.’

‘Who says she isn’t?’

‘No one changes Alternia except the Empress.’

Dave sighs. 

‘I know what it’s like to love someone who’s a hero,’ he says. ‘Fuckin’ terrifying. Never had a cause of my own but damn if I wouldn’t die for theirs.’

‘I’d make a shitty martyr,’ Sollux says. ‘I’d complain the whole time, guaranteed. You don’t hear of Sign—uh … actual martyrs … doing that.’

Dave laughs under his breath and pulls a necklace out from under his suit. Well shit, that’s ballsy. Who would make something with that symbol on it?

‘That dude loved the _shit_ out of his babes. Told the filthiest jokes, too. He actually did complain a lot, but it didn’t have any weight to it ‘cause he kept on getting himself in danger. Psii, now _he_ complained. Kan kept telling him to fuck off and enjoy his freedom then but he wouldn’t. They don’t put that shit in the songs, you know? Can’t have people that big feeling exactly the fuckin’ same as every other person, even though that was Kan’s point to begin with. Y’ever get it in your head to pity every god damn troll that exists, you can join the club Kan and I started. It’s called the “Fuck Alternia” club, ‘cause we fuckin’ hate it just as much as we love it.’

Is that what it means to be the god of hearts? Sollux shudders with the knowledge that there’s no way he can relate to the alien lying next to him like they’re stargazing. 

‘So, you ran away from the firecracker?’ Dave asks. 

‘Make me sound like a coward …’ Sollux mutters. ‘Am I an idiot?’

‘Duh. But that’s kinda my domain.’

‘Being an idiot?’

‘Being scared shitless and doing it anyway.’

Sollux sits up. Dave copies. For a split second, Sollux thinks Dave’s about to kiss him. But then he recovers and gets to his feet. He helps Dave up and only freaks out about their hands touching a little bit. Fucking hell, he absolutely has a crush on him.

‘I’m gonna apologise,’ Sollux says. ‘Do you think it’ll work out?’

‘Babe, she’s known you a while, right? I think she’s probably somewhat used to you being a jackass.’

Sollux punches Dave and walks to the door. 

‘Take this,’ Dave says, holding out an umbrella. ‘It’s not perfect, but it’ll see you home if it’s still drizzling.’

‘Thanks,’ Sollux says awkwardly.

‘You ever wanna practice kissing, I will hundo percent answer that prayer.’

Sollux zaps Dave on the nose again and leaves while he’s still sneezing. He smiles all the way home.


End file.
